When my daughter was very small I remember when, late at night, when she was sleeping, I just cried myself to sleep, because I felt the worst mom in the world. I had spent the whole day saying “no” to my baby! I knew I had to give her rules, I had to teach her to ask for things politely, she had to take care of her toys, she had to stop crying in order to gain things and so on… that endless list that all children need to learn in order to live with rules in an equal society. Sometimes I’d question myself if this was the right way to raise her if I was being too hard.
I had to be persistent because that was the best way I knew how to do it.
My daughter had to understand that she couldn’t have it her way all the time, sometimes we did it her way, others my way.
She learned that crying to gain something didn’t work, in fact, had the opposite effect. She had to ask politely.
Sometimes, even when she asked politely she wouldn’t have it. I would explain why and even if she didn’t understand she would have to respect my decision.
My daughter learned to deal with boundaries, with not being allowed to do certain things.
The processing of learning how to ride a bicycle, jump with the rope comes from trying, failing and re-trying, and that is a massive lesson to be taught. They learn how to deal with failure, how to persist and try again until they conquer their goal.
These tools, however meaningless they seem at such a young age, are fundamental for there several milestones!
At the arrival of the teenage years, this proved to be worth it.
By this time, the respect and confidence between us were amazing, and this allowed her to have all sorts of conversations with me.
Learning to understand the meaning of “no”, to comprehend the meaning of boundaries, gain respect and respect others.
Knowing that our children are facing failures, disappointments, rejections, like everybody else, but they have the tools and the knowledge to accept and overcome the several challenges and adventures along they’re life journey.
There are no wrong or right ways to raise our children, there are different ways to teach the same goal: to love and protect them.
Was it hard? Sometimes.
Was it worth it? Absolutely, because it was made out of pure love and protection!
Thank you for meeting me halfway.